It seems that school work finally caught up with me, and I haven't written on this in a long time. Just some points that I plan on hitting:
-the cute girls are taken
-bailout money
-dailymotion.com
First, I have noticed that, at least around my college, all the cute girls are taken. Seriously. When I start talking to (who I think is) a single girl, it turns out that she has a boyfriend in another college, or just has one (usually found by facebook). What does this leave swingers like me with? Pole-dancers (not terrible), the mediocre girls, the cheerleader-effect girls, the DFFs (designated fat friends), or the ones with the craziest idiosyncrasies that can make a man's pride (wink) explode. This pisses me off so damned much, especially since love is some manufactured social construct that we are all taught to believe in. All other species of animal chooses a mate based on its looks, or odor, or elongated tongues, but we choose to fabricate some illusion that the necessity to procreate is deeper than the substantiation of the human race. In reality, sex is just a great way to relieve stress or anger, engage in some quirky fantasies, or embark on a new journey. What we perceive as feelings after sex is really just the ownership theory, which is synonymous to a dog peeing on a tree: we have claimed our territory, we own it, and nothing can take it away (not to mention that we have loads of fun with it). The world needs more promiscuity, damn it, and promiscuity it will have.
Anyway, aside from sex, this world, to a point, is screwed up. Our capitalistic complex has driven our global economy into the crapper, with each banker and CEO respectively wiping his ass on our credibility. Lately, AIG has used the bailout money to hand out bonuses to its employees. Really? Bonuses? Come on. The American taxpayers own more (or about) 80% of AIG, and you're going to waste our money like that? We want you to buy our bad mortgages, or do something productive, not ensure that Joe Schmo can take his family to Bora Bora instead of Hawaii for vacation. It seems like bank nationalization may be the best option for the forseeable future, since it seems like bailout money is rarely used for what it should be. Of course, you'll hear the conservative nuts (cough* Limbaugh *cough) yell and scream "SOCIALISM! ARRR!" and give you a face like he just soiled himself. I guess his belief comes from some skewered version of Jeffersonian politics, where government plays a minimal role in country affairs. However, it seems that a LACK of a government role has led to this maelstrom, so why should we listen to pompous, self-aggrandizing dicks like Limbaugh who just want to perpetuate the policy of the last 30 or so years?
And lastly on my agenda, Dailymotion.com. I must say, it is the best video site on the internet. Yes, it is even better than Youtube. They aren't hindered by copyright protections like Youtube, and they have porn. PORN. Yes. I am serious. Go there now and sign up. That's all for now.
Ted
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day
Hey all,
As I stated before, I'm not just about women. I find politics to be interesting, so much so that sleeping with a Republican will cause the little Colonel downstairs to turn to ashes. I guess it's good that I don't ask about politics when talking to women.
Anyway, I decided not to vote this year. Yes, I know; complain all you want, I will not change my mind. The act of voting in the United States holds absolutely no merit whatsoever. It is possible to win the popular vote, but lose the actual election (cough, 2000). Until the electoral college is reformed and the two party system abolished, then individual opinions won't matter. Let's put it this way:
-People are (on a majority) divided into two sides: democrat or republican. This leaves very little room for compromise of ideals.
-People usually vote along party lines, regardless of a nominee's positions on key issues. As long as they are in the party, those registered to the party will vote for them (a majority of the time).
-The individual's opinion thus does not matter, because he/she will always choose the candidate of their party. Very few Americans actually research the issues for themselves, and then make an educated decision.
-There are also those people who vote not based on the candidate's positions, but rather their religion. This usually caters to Republicans, though religion should not matter in politics at all. No matter if the nominee is Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Atheist, Agnostic, Hindu, Buddhist, or Pagan- it should not matter.
-Because of all this, people usually choose candidates that don't actually represent the individual's opinions on important stances.
That's just my take on the American electorate. I'm a Naderite, since he represents to the letter the country that I would live in. A country san corporate ownership, a country without outsourced jobs, and one which values science and progress rather than ruling and overseeing the world.
That's all for now.
As I stated before, I'm not just about women. I find politics to be interesting, so much so that sleeping with a Republican will cause the little Colonel downstairs to turn to ashes. I guess it's good that I don't ask about politics when talking to women.
Anyway, I decided not to vote this year. Yes, I know; complain all you want, I will not change my mind. The act of voting in the United States holds absolutely no merit whatsoever. It is possible to win the popular vote, but lose the actual election (cough, 2000). Until the electoral college is reformed and the two party system abolished, then individual opinions won't matter. Let's put it this way:
-People are (on a majority) divided into two sides: democrat or republican. This leaves very little room for compromise of ideals.
-People usually vote along party lines, regardless of a nominee's positions on key issues. As long as they are in the party, those registered to the party will vote for them (a majority of the time).
-The individual's opinion thus does not matter, because he/she will always choose the candidate of their party. Very few Americans actually research the issues for themselves, and then make an educated decision.
-There are also those people who vote not based on the candidate's positions, but rather their religion. This usually caters to Republicans, though religion should not matter in politics at all. No matter if the nominee is Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Atheist, Agnostic, Hindu, Buddhist, or Pagan- it should not matter.
-Because of all this, people usually choose candidates that don't actually represent the individual's opinions on important stances.
That's just my take on the American electorate. I'm a Naderite, since he represents to the letter the country that I would live in. A country san corporate ownership, a country without outsourced jobs, and one which values science and progress rather than ruling and overseeing the world.
That's all for now.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Hallo-awesome-ween
Eager readers,
I give you a tale of fright and mystery, one that will make your blood pressure rise and your anxiety explode. Nah, just kidding. I'm going to tell you how I boinked a girl.
So, it was Halloween. Of course, I had to choose to be something awesome. You see, there are always 5 choices for a guy to choose from if he wishes to get laid on Halloween:
A. An Angel (for those girls who like to be Devils)
B. Any sports player of any kind (for those naughty referees)
C. Jet pilot or any maritime occupation (you drive fast and hard and know how to use your hands)
D. Darth Vader (because Star Wars is awesome)
E. Hugh Hefner (for obvious reasons)
Now, I'm not saying that the costume makes the man. You still have to play your cards right. For instance, it is always a good idea to have multiple costumes in case of failure (usually a mask helps). Last night, for example, I chose to be an angel, because I had calculated the probability of at least one girl being a devil at 56.24% (yeah, I calculated). Not only did my calculations pay off, but I encountered one devilishly hot devil. I measured her up at 32 C with the body only a young Britney Spears used to possess (god rest her soul). There is a method to approaching said deviless; one must have the face of "I know what I want, I know what you want, I can give it to you, so get ready to take your clothes off." I'm not exactly sure how that translates to a look, but I do it awesomely. Anyway, I approach the deviless, look her in the eyes with the "Coitus Stare" (patent pending), and say one thing:
"Did you escape from hell, or are you just an angel in disguise?"
With her eyes fixated on mine, she calmly took a step toward me. My heart rate slightly increased, along with my testosterone levels. She looked my up and down, and said words that still give me goosebumps:
"I guess the only way to find out is to take off this disguise."
With that, she grabbed my hand and led me away from the disgusting basement (I had no idea where I was at the time, I had just wandered into some random party) into one of the bedrooms upstairs. Let me tell you, she should probably be a cat for Halloween next year, since she was a wildcat in the sack. For a good 6 hours we made continuous sex, varying positions at every few intervals. Riding her felt like riding on a motorcycle, or driving a newly bought Ferrari; the intensity was just awesome. She fell asleep after our constant sex; I got up, gathered my costume, left my goodbye note (I will post it later) and walked out. I will never forget Angela. Or was it Stephanie? Or Tara? I went to another party after that, so I forget. Either way- I'm awesome.
Things to remember from this- "Coitus Stare" (patent pending) must be done with absolute confidence, almost arrogant confidence. Otherwise, it doesn't work.
-Always have a costume that you know can compliment a girl's costume (as stated above).
-Use a fake name. It always helps.
-Give out a fake number, preferably of a local Chinese restaurant.
-Never fall asleep with the girl. Thus, the entrapment is possible and the probability of a relationship grows. Remember, polygamy is the future.
That's all for now.
I give you a tale of fright and mystery, one that will make your blood pressure rise and your anxiety explode. Nah, just kidding. I'm going to tell you how I boinked a girl.
So, it was Halloween. Of course, I had to choose to be something awesome. You see, there are always 5 choices for a guy to choose from if he wishes to get laid on Halloween:
A. An Angel (for those girls who like to be Devils)
B. Any sports player of any kind (for those naughty referees)
C. Jet pilot or any maritime occupation (you drive fast and hard and know how to use your hands)
D. Darth Vader (because Star Wars is awesome)
E. Hugh Hefner (for obvious reasons)
Now, I'm not saying that the costume makes the man. You still have to play your cards right. For instance, it is always a good idea to have multiple costumes in case of failure (usually a mask helps). Last night, for example, I chose to be an angel, because I had calculated the probability of at least one girl being a devil at 56.24% (yeah, I calculated). Not only did my calculations pay off, but I encountered one devilishly hot devil. I measured her up at 32 C with the body only a young Britney Spears used to possess (god rest her soul). There is a method to approaching said deviless; one must have the face of "I know what I want, I know what you want, I can give it to you, so get ready to take your clothes off." I'm not exactly sure how that translates to a look, but I do it awesomely. Anyway, I approach the deviless, look her in the eyes with the "Coitus Stare" (patent pending), and say one thing:
"Did you escape from hell, or are you just an angel in disguise?"
With her eyes fixated on mine, she calmly took a step toward me. My heart rate slightly increased, along with my testosterone levels. She looked my up and down, and said words that still give me goosebumps:
"I guess the only way to find out is to take off this disguise."
With that, she grabbed my hand and led me away from the disgusting basement (I had no idea where I was at the time, I had just wandered into some random party) into one of the bedrooms upstairs. Let me tell you, she should probably be a cat for Halloween next year, since she was a wildcat in the sack. For a good 6 hours we made continuous sex, varying positions at every few intervals. Riding her felt like riding on a motorcycle, or driving a newly bought Ferrari; the intensity was just awesome. She fell asleep after our constant sex; I got up, gathered my costume, left my goodbye note (I will post it later) and walked out. I will never forget Angela. Or was it Stephanie? Or Tara? I went to another party after that, so I forget. Either way- I'm awesome.
Things to remember from this- "Coitus Stare" (patent pending) must be done with absolute confidence, almost arrogant confidence. Otherwise, it doesn't work.
-Always have a costume that you know can compliment a girl's costume (as stated above).
-Use a fake name. It always helps.
-Give out a fake number, preferably of a local Chinese restaurant.
-Never fall asleep with the girl. Thus, the entrapment is possible and the probability of a relationship grows. Remember, polygamy is the future.
That's all for now.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The first
Hey everyone,
My name is Ted Mozby. I'm a college student, working hard and working long. Politics and women are my passion. When I'm not doing politics, I'm doing women. Yes, I know, I'm awesome. I'm here to tell you the tantalizing stories of my various adventures in awesomeness, the finer points of licentiousness and perhaps some politics in between. I'll try to tell of my awesome adventures in between homework assignments, though most of my time is spent idly wandering around my dorm, talking to people and being social.
Now, onto politics. I am a die-hard Naderite. I believe that if he were to ever be elected, the United States would become one of the most peaceful countries in the world, considering the United States has been involved in armed conflicts just about every year since World War II. He would probably end this un-capitalistic hegemonic economic system that the United States has adopted, effectively ensuring real capitalism, which banks on competition between small businesses.
This country has not been a Democracy for a long time; in a Democracy, the citizens hold the power to regulate government and government activity. Instead, we have a Republic, utilizing virtual representation so the opinions of many go unnoticed. Also, independent agencies such as the CIA and NSA act independently of the Executive Branch and without and regulation from the Senate or the House, often undermining the "American values" we often hold so dear. This is my take for now. Enjoy.
My name is Ted Mozby. I'm a college student, working hard and working long. Politics and women are my passion. When I'm not doing politics, I'm doing women. Yes, I know, I'm awesome. I'm here to tell you the tantalizing stories of my various adventures in awesomeness, the finer points of licentiousness and perhaps some politics in between. I'll try to tell of my awesome adventures in between homework assignments, though most of my time is spent idly wandering around my dorm, talking to people and being social.
Now, onto politics. I am a die-hard Naderite. I believe that if he were to ever be elected, the United States would become one of the most peaceful countries in the world, considering the United States has been involved in armed conflicts just about every year since World War II. He would probably end this un-capitalistic hegemonic economic system that the United States has adopted, effectively ensuring real capitalism, which banks on competition between small businesses.
This country has not been a Democracy for a long time; in a Democracy, the citizens hold the power to regulate government and government activity. Instead, we have a Republic, utilizing virtual representation so the opinions of many go unnoticed. Also, independent agencies such as the CIA and NSA act independently of the Executive Branch and without and regulation from the Senate or the House, often undermining the "American values" we often hold so dear. This is my take for now. Enjoy.
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